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Maeko

First Entry

Maeko Mar 28, 2006

This is the first entry I've had on this shit, I think. I'm not much for blogging lately; I guess it's a side effect of just being lacklustre about everything in life. I can't get excited about anything--not my job, not school (okay, sometimes school, but it's not as if attending school is generate immediate income merely from attending and enjoying a class), not writing, not reading, not blogging. Where can I garner pleasure from? It's one endless cycle of self-hatred and self-doubt, and plowing further and further into this whirling pit of emotional crap.

I know how I got here. My constant worrying causes me to stop attempting anything remotely beneficial to my circumstances the moment I even think about it, because I'm immediately plagued with the negating feeling that trying anything will result in failure. Why try writing when I know it's going to suck? Why try searching for a job when I know I won't get it? Why even figure out something toward a career goal when I doubt I'm even suited, qualified or even ready for something like it? Please. Why have children when they're going to be brought up in a horrible world? Why why why. Why bother? Life sucks. Don't be fooled by location changes.

I'm such a mess. I wasn't always like this. But strangely, I can't think of a time when I was different.

I'm just being emotional right now. I'm sure I'll be normal again in fifteen minutes.

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Maeko

San Diego and Detroit CA, US
Female, Taurus
http://www.maeko.org/

(more info)

Member Since: 2005-01-18
Relationship Status: married
Orientation: Straight
Religion: Other
Drink: No
Smoke: No
Children: Someday
Education: College Graduate
Occupation: Healthcare Insurance

About Me:

Progangsta:

[Things I like]
# Hubby.
# camera whoring
# spontaneous, planned, boisterous fun.
# prettiness:
# ___ex. girl.boy.fashion. lips. kisses. smirks. laughs.pictures.landscape.
# balance. Blend your genres.
# Shiny Technology
# writing. reading. poetry. literature.
# scribbling.
# does doodling count as drawing?
# intellect.
# Art:
# ___ex. Film.Video.Still.Paint.Videogames.
# Lack of ethnic identity. blend the paint.
# Aimless Driving.
# pretend artsy fartsy:
# ___ex. museums, gardens, books, cafes.
# Outdoors:
# ___ex. rock climbing, driving, speeding, beaches.
# Reckless loving. But no, I really do . . .
# Fashion and shopping
# Addiction. Passion. Love. Crush. Smash. Chaos.
# Blogging
# Sprawling quietly on cool sheets.
# pointless dreams. Contemplate.
# Anime. Manga. Japan. Japanese.
# Karaoke, half drunk, in a dark room.
# Draw, sketch, scratch, rip, crumple, toss. Paint.
# Kiss.
# Hug.
# hug and kiss. snuggle
# Nuzzle into the neck.
# Skin.
# Touch.
# Feminism.
# Liberalism.
# Korean and Japanese Dramas starring shy boys with a rebellious side
# Music, music, music, music.
# Sing, sing, sing, sing, sing.
# Dance. All the world is a stage.
# Fashion Passion. Expression. Regression. Communication. Imitation.
# Introversion.
# Laughing. Smiles. Smirks.
# Natanio's penis.
# Cute Asian paraphernalia.
# Pretend artsy fartsy shit.
# Karaoke.
# My iPod.
# Pretty technology.
# Books.
# maeko.org
# Lomo cameras.
# Mochi Ball Ice Cream
# Clothes.
# Scarves and legwarmers.
# Seasons.
# Decayed historical architecture.
# Sex.
# pop music.
# Del the Funkee Homosapien.

[Things I don't]
# Smelly people.
# Smoke.
# People who can't dance.
# Ugly people who think they can dance, but dance ugly.
# Caffeine
# Smoking indoors.
# People who voted for Bush
# Freedom (because Bush says I'm against the cause of freedom by being a liberal.)
# pop music.

Interests:

My interests are:, photo whoring

Favorite Movies:

Damnit.

Favorite Books:

See above.

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San Diego, CA, seen through picture phone...